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The Scream awards Finale
So, the folks at Powells have been nice enough to run one more day’s report off me, since Friday was whe I was heading back up to LA for the Spike TV Scream awards.
Chris Ryall ( publisher and genetically augmented humanoid supreme ) and I drove up to LA from SD, got stuck in traffic, and barely made it to the hotel in time for the limo ( no not a stretched one or anything ) to take us to the show.The carpet for this thing was huge, and I did about 15 quick soundbite interviews. One even asking who I’d prefer sexually, Hillary or Laura Bush?? Well, obviously I’d have to go with Hillary I tried to explain…that would probably set the tone for the night really.
The show itself was equal part super cool, surreal, and obviously geared to a male audience who likes strip clubs. Highlights for me, obviously when Steve and I won for best comicbook for 30 Days…but unbeknown to me, at the beginning of the show when they list the guests and stuff, my name appeared on screen along with my photo with the rest of the heavy hitters! What am I now, some sort of at least C list celeb? Have I made it out of total obscurity or something? Very strange feeling I must say.
Other gems from the night were things like Paris Hilton, who sadly, could attend. She was as popular as a used syringe in a kindergarten sand pit. On stage to hawk some project, the crowd roundly booed her. And yes being the populist that I am, I joined in. I brushed by her at the bar in the back before the show started and had to resist the urge to say something ( I loathe celebutards and people “famous” only for being idiots, and in her case, a racist one to boot )…and this was right after having a chat with a very nice Walter Koenig, who was there for a tribute award for Star Trek 2. It turns out by the way, that wouldn’t be my only meeting with Paris this night, oh no.
I should add, just before finding seating, the bastards gang tackle me and take my camera. Apparently, you’re not allowed to take pictures, even as “talent” or a guest…just a pity everyone else seemed to not have this rule applied. Thanks guys, I feel so special.
Thomas Jane being a little worse for wear from drinking through a segment was also a show stopper. We couldn’t really understand anything, but he had the audience’s full attention that’s for sure. Poor guy, he’s going to regret that one in the morning. I also met Quintin Tarentino, which was quite a surprise and yes, he was exceptionally enthusiastic for the movie and has read the comic. Like me he’s super happy finally comics are getting put on screen thr right way, and using the art as well as the stories in creative ways.
So, show over ( they didn’t read out my other category for best comicbook artist so I guess I’ll find out my mail??) we leave before the big act and beat the crowd. Onward ho back to our hotel and the VIP party ( or whatever they were calling it ).
And this is where the real fun begins.
I warn you, if you thought it sounded like a gossip magazine before…
Tommy Lee and group are sat on some couches. ( I think that Angel magician guy is also there, but I only know him for having the balls to have sex with Britney Spears alas.) and while we move around the place, which has women in masks wearing bondage gear serving drinks we mingle a little. After awhile, Tommy must have left, but his couches are now free, so we sit down and start chatting to a lovely hair stylist lady I forget the name of. There’s a half full bottle of crystal champagn still on the table, so we swig that, and the server asks us if we want another bottle. Well, sure, if you’re asking why not? I’ve met Tommy before, in Sydney and given him artwork, so I’m sure he’d understand.
We don’t get the new bottle though, as I think they realize we’re not cool enough sadly.
After that slight letdown, we’re off to some back corner where I meet a few cool people who I’m going to try and hit up for advice on this hollywood stuff later on if they can put up with me, as shockingly, they know my name ( not bruce or brian who sadly couldn’t make it to the show ). Also met the guy who played Sabre Tooth and some other cult characters, Tyler Mane. Super nice guy.
The bar closes on us and they start to kick us out Which is just as well, as we’re at the point where everyone is our friend and we’ll start up a conversation with anyone. So Chris and I stumble back to the elevator back to our room ( it’s super nice it was in our hotel ) and who should get in the crowded elevator right next to us, but the charming, talented and very attractive Paris Hilton. Well, that’s what the alcohol said. She reminds me of a young Anne Coulter. Kind of man-ish and big with the obnoxious opinions, on things like poor, an jewish people. Let’s just say I ask her some annoying questions, make her rather uncomfortable and generally tell her whatever she is currently doing sucks and she should do a comic with me…alas, apparently she’s doing one with Stan Lee. ( well it should be a hit I’m sure as everything she touches turns to gold ). As she’s leaving the elevator, I ask her if her boobs are real. Too bad she didn’t give a reply as I think she’s had a rather bad boob job. Bye Paris. You will be missed.
Well, after the delightful elevator encounter, we’re out and too the room and to the land of nod. Strangely, this morning I don’t have a hangover ( I rarely get them despite how much I drink ) and I’m conscious enough to write this. Hope you enjoyed my rather strange night. Sorry there aren’t as many photos. Especially of Paris. I hear photos of her are rare so I’m kinda bummed about that. ( end of sarcasm, honest )
So my trip is over, its off to Asia. A stint in Thailand mostly in the hotel room trying to distress and get some work done, before I leave the hub city for Manila, for a week of very strange events that make me seem important…which scares me. Me speaking at a university? We’ll see I guess.
Adios! ( for now )
Next up, my Manila trip.
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